Post by bethany15 on Apr 3, 2016 12:37:48 GMT -5
Hello,
I'm writing a story currently called The Star Fire Heroes and I've only written the Prologue and the first chapter. I have lost inspiration for the rest of it and so I'm hoping that you all can give me some feedback on this prologue and maybe help me spark my inspiration for the rest of the book
Here's the prologue:
When the world was young the people of earth gazed at the stars.
They connected them into pictures to remember their past.
They took these pictures and put them on charts as maps to the heavens. With the
peoples limited vision of the stars they could never guess what was truly up there.
In the center of the universe, since the dawn of creation, the stars had been battling each
other across the night sky. These beings were given life and a single purpose by their creator: to
selflessly protect the world of men. The creatures were given a ruler, Queen Cassiopeia and her
advisers, Rigel and Arcturus who took on students. Polaris and Procyon diligently learned all
their masters taught them, in hopes that one day they would take over for them as the Queen’s
advisers.
In her possession was one of the most treasured and powerful artifacts the star beings knew of.
The Great Crown.
A fusion of Corona Borialas and Corona Austraulias, the Crown granted the wearer command over all other beings and the whereabouts of all other stars. The Crown was kept from evil, locked safely away in a vault deep in the Palace.
The Queen and her advisers agreed that no one person could have possession of the Crown. So it was kept sealed away until the most dire situation arose.
But as all powerful beings, Arcturus became unsatisfied with his position. Soon his wisdom became corrupted and he hungered for complete control and command of the Crown and all other beings. He and his student Procyon stole the Crown and fled for Earth with Rigel and Polaris at their heels.
But before Arcturus could reach our planet Rigel engaged him in combat. In a battle that cost his master’s life, Polaris won back the Crown. He split the Crown in two and sent it to Earth where the pieces hid them selves.
Polaris escorted Arcturus and Procyon back to the palace where he brought the news of Rigel’s death to the Queen. Cassiopeia was greatly saddened by this news and took out her wrath on Arcturus and had him locked in the deepest cell.
She spared Procyon from the fate of his master because she believed Arcturus was responsible for leading his student astray. She charged Procyon with finding the pieces of the Crown under Polaris’s supervision. But he betrayed her trust and escaped from Polaris. He set out to find someone to aid his search. Unknown to him, Polaris was on the same path. Separated, they each set out to find Orion the hunter. Only he could find the pieces. Though they were on the same quest each student had different reasons.
One selflessly did it to protect our galaxy; the other, to destroy it.
I'm writing a story currently called The Star Fire Heroes and I've only written the Prologue and the first chapter. I have lost inspiration for the rest of it and so I'm hoping that you all can give me some feedback on this prologue and maybe help me spark my inspiration for the rest of the book
Here's the prologue:
When the world was young the people of earth gazed at the stars.
They connected them into pictures to remember their past.
They took these pictures and put them on charts as maps to the heavens. With the
peoples limited vision of the stars they could never guess what was truly up there.
In the center of the universe, since the dawn of creation, the stars had been battling each
other across the night sky. These beings were given life and a single purpose by their creator: to
selflessly protect the world of men. The creatures were given a ruler, Queen Cassiopeia and her
advisers, Rigel and Arcturus who took on students. Polaris and Procyon diligently learned all
their masters taught them, in hopes that one day they would take over for them as the Queen’s
advisers.
In her possession was one of the most treasured and powerful artifacts the star beings knew of.
The Great Crown.
A fusion of Corona Borialas and Corona Austraulias, the Crown granted the wearer command over all other beings and the whereabouts of all other stars. The Crown was kept from evil, locked safely away in a vault deep in the Palace.
The Queen and her advisers agreed that no one person could have possession of the Crown. So it was kept sealed away until the most dire situation arose.
But as all powerful beings, Arcturus became unsatisfied with his position. Soon his wisdom became corrupted and he hungered for complete control and command of the Crown and all other beings. He and his student Procyon stole the Crown and fled for Earth with Rigel and Polaris at their heels.
But before Arcturus could reach our planet Rigel engaged him in combat. In a battle that cost his master’s life, Polaris won back the Crown. He split the Crown in two and sent it to Earth where the pieces hid them selves.
Polaris escorted Arcturus and Procyon back to the palace where he brought the news of Rigel’s death to the Queen. Cassiopeia was greatly saddened by this news and took out her wrath on Arcturus and had him locked in the deepest cell.
She spared Procyon from the fate of his master because she believed Arcturus was responsible for leading his student astray. She charged Procyon with finding the pieces of the Crown under Polaris’s supervision. But he betrayed her trust and escaped from Polaris. He set out to find someone to aid his search. Unknown to him, Polaris was on the same path. Separated, they each set out to find Orion the hunter. Only he could find the pieces. Though they were on the same quest each student had different reasons.
One selflessly did it to protect our galaxy; the other, to destroy it.
