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Post by HopeAnnSchmidt on Jul 10, 2015 6:49:30 GMT -5
Everyone says the first line is what catches the reader's attention. I enjoy writing first lines...most of the time. And I have a number of 'first lines' that have no stories attached. Anyway, this is a thread where you can share the first few lines (or paragraphs) of your story if you so desire.
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Post by HopeAnnSchmidt on Jul 10, 2015 6:50:51 GMT -5
Here's the first line of the prologue of one of my books, The Shield and Spear:
The cloaked figure sat eating near the door, his graying hair gleaming dully in the smoky, torch-lit air of the boisterous tavern.
And here are the first lines of the first chapter of the same book:
Cold fog surrounded and grasped Thaniel, piercing his blood with chilling darts of fear. He slowly turned, straining for a light, a sound, a shadow, anything to give him direction in the swirling blankness.
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Post by SisterofSix on Jul 19, 2015 7:17:45 GMT -5
Aw you really did change his name.  I will still always think of him as Ethaniel. Here are the first two lines of a short story I wrote once: She was an old woman—very old. So old that no one could remember when she was born, nor her age, nor even her name. |
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Post by HopeAnnSchmidt on Jul 19, 2015 10:39:12 GMT -5
Like it.  And yes...too many people were pronouncing it wrong so it sounded like ethanol. A pity, because I still do like Ethaniel. |
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Post by ivyrose on Jul 19, 2015 18:24:27 GMT -5
Like it. And yes...too many people were pronouncing it wrong so it sounded like ethanol. A pity, because I still do like Ethaniel. I miss Ethaniel, too. He'll always be Ethaniel to me. Sisterofsix, I like those lines. |
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Post by rebeccamorgan on Jul 19, 2015 21:48:54 GMT -5
I liked the name Ethaniel too. Personally, I would keep the name the same. You can make a chart that shows how to pronounce it. I had a problem with people pronouncing the name wrong for one of my characters, but the name (for my character) was so him I could not bare to change it. |
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Post by SisterofSix on Jul 19, 2015 23:50:55 GMT -5
Thank you Ivyrose. Yeah, Hope, Rebecca is right. I had a problem with someone mispronouncing the name of a city in a book I'm writing so I just made a little note at the bottom of the page about how it was pronounced.
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Post by HopeAnnSchmidt on Jul 20, 2015 7:04:10 GMT -5
I've grown used to Thaniel now, but I may change it back to Ethaniel at some future point. I do have a pronunciation guide at the beginning of the book, so I suppose it's not my fault if someone doesn't read it and pronounces the name wrong.
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Post by ErudessaAranduriel on Jul 20, 2015 14:30:09 GMT -5
My older sister Mel, has some almost unpronounceable names in her stories. After hearing her say it once, I can usually pronounce them fine, but one story she had to change almost all of the names because they were to tongue twisting. I like some of the names that they used to be better then the ones that they are now.
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Post by ivyrose on Jul 20, 2015 19:10:32 GMT -5
I think part of the fun of reading books is being able to create the characters in my head how I think of them, whether it be how I pronounce their name or what they look like, despite how the author has described them. Hope, in King's Armor, I will always think of Annalissa's name as Anna-lissa, even though you've done a pronunciation guide (which is different than how I say it). Anyway...back to the subject matter of this thread. Here are the first lines of my WIP Civil War novel, Deadly Pride. It happened. Their worst nightmare, their deepest fear, was now a shocking reality. Mrs. Winslow brought the letter to the door and sorrowfully rapped. Fifteen-year-old Elizabeth Hobbs answered the knock and screamed when she saw the black-edged envelope. Mother came running, holding Lulu on her hip. She too gasped in horror, took the letter from Mrs. Winslow, and carefully broke the seal. |
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Post by thehappybookaholic on Jul 22, 2015 7:01:40 GMT -5
Change it back please? It suits him better. And I bet I'm going to have a name pronunciation problem too with my protagonist Jael. Nearly everyone will pronounce it Jail but it's actually 'Yael'. It has Hebrew roots that's why. And I'm never going to change her name because it's HER.
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Post by HopeAnnSchmidt on Jul 23, 2015 7:17:26 GMT -5
Here are the first lines for my book, King's Armor
Yesterday. Father and the others were supposed to return yesterday.
I straightened and shoved against the parapet lining Nyssa’s thick outer wall, propelling myself backwards into the middle of the broad walkway. Yesterday. And Father was never late.
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Post by lothroniel on Aug 21, 2015 22:56:39 GMT -5
First lines of Ebony and Aubergine, first book in The Lion and the Rose series:
It is remarkable how one carelessly spoken sentence can change the mood of a few friends, a dinner party, a crowd, a town, a province, an entire kingdom....
Or perhaps it is not so remarkable. For it was words, and the power behind them, that was the beginning of everything. The power that can give life or take it; that can wound or heal, shatter or mend.
The revolutions began with carefully chosen words setting fire to the straw that had lain waiting for so long.
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Post by ErudessaAranduriel on Aug 24, 2015 12:13:33 GMT -5
The Sirin voice? I mean I know that that isn't what you were meaning when you first wrote it, but when I read this, that is what I thought of.
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Post by HopeAnnSchmidt on Aug 24, 2015 16:15:23 GMT -5
Here are the first lines (more like the first paragraphs) of Princess's Curse...My retelling of Sleeping Beauty.
My throat tightens and I choke back a sob. Though the bluish white stone of the castle tower surrounds me, mist curls about my sandals and loose dress, beckoning me toward the silver spindle glimmering in the center of the chamber.
A firm warm hand grasps my arm, but even he can’t keep me from this, my fate. My curse.
I had thought… I had hoped…. But it is too late now.
I blink back a tear. I’d only wanted one thing. One simple thing.
And I’d found it.
And now I’m about to lose it forever.
Most people would say the curse started at my birth. Technically it started long before. But for me, it started with a dream, an unresponsive voice, and a bunch of mist. Oh, and don’t forget the ice griffin.
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I will still always think of him as Ethaniel. 
